Am I fighting for the relationship or am I just at war with myself? This simple question will help you process which relationships are worth doing the work for and which ones are worth detaching yourself from.

When you ask yourself whether you are fighting for the relationship or just at war with yourself, you are essentially trying to discern the source of your struggle. Fighting for the relationship implies that you are actively putting effort, understanding, and compromise into resolving conflicts and improving the connection with your partner. It shows a willingness to work through challenges together and invest in the growth of the relationship.

On the other hand, being at war with yourself suggests that you might be dealing with internal conflicts, doubts, or unresolved issues that are affecting your ability to fully engage in the relationship. This could mean that you are spending time ignoring red flags, always initiating healing conversations, people-pleasing in order to keep the peace, and hoping your partner will change in order to be what you need. 

By reflecting on this question, you can gain insights into whether the problems in the relationship stem from external factors that can be resolved with effort and communication or if the underlying issues are more internal and require self-work before being able to engage fully with your partner.

It’s essential to be honest with yourself during this process and consider seeking support from friends, family, or a professional if needed to help you navigate through the complexities of your emotions and relationship dynamics. Ultimately, it can lead you to make informed decisions about whether to continue working on the relationship or consider detachment if it is in the best interest of your well-being.