Lessons from our frenemies…

I was recently triggered by an old frenemy. While I thought I was completely over this woman’s antics, remnants of her devious handiwork reminded me that there was still healing to do. Betrayal is a bitter pill to swallow, as it is never your choice when the dose will come. Not losing yourself in resentment is the measurement by which you can tell if the dosage of betrayal helped or hurt the foundation of your character.

I know who I am. And with each passing year, I move deeper into allowing the thoughts and opinions of others to drift deeper into the sea of oblivion. But let’s face it, no matter how fit we have trained our hearts and minds to be surrounding our self-image, it is jarring to learn that people are willing to tear you down despite your best efforts at being a good human. It was disheartening to realize that someone I once considered a friend – a sister even – would dare to write me as a villain in her story. Moreover, her attempts to define me in the minds of folks that do not know me were particularly hurtful.

My relationships with other women are essential to me. I value the beauty in our shared experiences, struggles, and wisdom swaps. From the laughter to the tears and every serious or silly conversation in between – there is nothing like the love of a true friend.

Discovering that a friend has behaved as an enemy can be shocking. Our natural instinct could be to confront the person, demand an explanation and ignite more significant conflict. But the lesson we can take from these situations requires us to go inward to forgive. We all know the saying hurt people, hurt people. We have to keep in mind that many unhealed people are walking among us. Often, people abuse those around them to deflect from the hurt they carry within themselves. That cycle does not end unless they are willing to heal their brokenness. It is incumbent upon those of us on the receiving end of spitefulness to show others compassion because we have all struggled with carrying the weight of things we don’t know how to fix.

So, I take the actions of a frenemy as a reflection of a broken soul rather than any failing on my part. I am not responsible for the narratives created about me by those who dislike or don’t know me – as they are not my truth. I take ownership of what I can and leave the rest for karma to sort out.

I have evolved into not regretting relationships made or lost because I always learn something if I take the time to reflect. Some people cannot self-reflect because they do not like what they see or the scar tissue is so deep they don’t know where to begin. It is essential to understand that it is not about the other person – because only you have to live with you.

Although instinctual, we do ourselves a disservice by reciprocating ugliness. You take ownership of your emotions by turning inward to determine how to navigate the sting of betrayal. You are not manipulated into further conflict by someone who may not have the tools to express what they truly feel – that likely has nothing to do with you. The best revenge is to live joyfully at peace with who you are, with certainty, knowing that truth always prevails.

Every person you meet is meant to enrich your life – sometimes, that enlightenment comes the hard way, and that’s ok. However, as folks leave your life, some do so quietly and without incident, while others choose to hurt you on the way out of the door. Your job is to learn to accept both with grace.

Know that there are lessons in the hard things, even frenemies – but in this life, your most important relationship is with yourself. Haters are gonna hate y’all. Always love yourself more.


Patrice Nye

A woman, confidently lost, writing about navigating life while embracing the versions of herself that
emerge along the way. A compliance professional by trade, runner, foodie, wine enthusiast, travel
junkie, huntress/shooter, and lover of all things beautiful. Being lost can lead to Beautiful places!